It is a vortex. A dark, menacing place that can suck you in if you let it. There is so much history you can feel it as soon as you walk in the door. It’s claimed to be haunted by the ghost of criminals, artists and the broken dreams of those who never made it. It was once called Ciro’s and was owned/operated by the mafia and frequented by Sinatra, Dean Martin, Humphrey Bogart, Sam Davis, Jr., Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, Nat King Cole and so many others it will blow your mind. Hell, even JFK ate dinner there. This space has been a mecca for aspiring comics ever since a lady named Mitzi changed its name and in doing so, the history of comedy. We now know it as The Comedy Store.


Sure, it’s seen better times and some people believe the place will get turned into a parking lot once Mitzi gets the light, but it will always be an amazing piece of entertainment history. For the past 40 years it’s been Comedy College. Almost every comedian you have ever heard of has performed there and the walls are painted with the names of legends and doormen alike. By the way, some of those doormen have since become legends. How can you get your name on that wall? How can you become a part of that history? Well, no one really fucking knows anymore. It used to be Mitzi would like you and that was that. Now it’s become a strange mind fuck of a thing with hoops to jump through, asses to be nuzzled and time to be spent hanging out.

By John Clark

So you’re not famous yet and thinking about moving to LA to become a comedian? Good for you. I am sure you are going to do well and all your dreams will come true.

Here’s a real quick guide to ease your journey to fame and fortune.

How comedy works in LA…

Don’t worry about being funny. Most comedians in LA aren’t. Being funny in Los Angeles can actually be a hindrance to your career. You see here in the land of milk and honey, it is important that you not have a sense of how to write or tell a joke but rather how to force your brand of unfunny on everyone.

The best thing you can do is to arrive in the city completely soulless. This will put you ahead of the game and on the right track for your life in the city of angels. Look, why worry about actual jokes when you can join in the gigantic circle jerk that is the Los Angeles comedy scene. Seriously, just start telling untalented people that they are funny and you can’t wait to work with them. Then, when you run your own shows you can trade spots with each other. If you jiggle the balls this should set you apart from the competition and send you on your way to stardom.

If you can, get a job at the Improv… this way you can try to eliminate the funny people, while whoring your way on shows and making sure you talk shit about anyone who is better than you. Plus, you can put up all your friends on Tuesday and insure that they will always owe you. Don’t worry, you will have a ton of people all over your jock telling you you’re a genius… putting you in there blogs, god it’s going to be great. It will be swell by golly.